Coming Out for The Third Time

This article was sent in by Lamby Dragon,

(Warning, this story is very triggering if you’ve ever been through any big traumatic experiences such as what you’re about to read).

The first time I ever came out, I was 21 years old and I worked for Radio Shack back in 2001. A very close co-worker of mine and I had got into a spat. Understand that he and another coworker fully knew about me, because they seemed like really cool people and I thought I was going to burst at the seams if I didn’t tell anyone.

Anyway, I guess he thought it was serious enough to out me to the rest of the WHOLE COMPANY! (or at least my district anyway). It was the first of two panic attacks (and I didn’t even know that was a thing) that had me trippin’ so bad, I NEEDED my diapers because I couldn’t stop being scared shit-less, figuratively and literally!

The only one who gave me the time of day is my aunt I was living with before I moved away and even then, she told me that I should see a therapist. Anyway, the rest of that is for another (darker) time-period for me.

The second time I came out, I was married to another adult baby and it was as magical as you think it would be. There were a couple of traumatic events I won’t get into, which happened in my life one after another in one week, between the beginning of my current health problems (Crohn's disease if you remember my previous “True Accounts” post) started to act up because of all the stress.

Anyway, I went into a pretty bad depression and was started on Anti-depressants. “Prozac” almost made me take my life, so needless to say it wasn’t for me and I was taken off of it. “Zoloft” was next followed up by a therapist who told me being an adult baby was OK as long as I had a healthy balance and it wasn’t hurting anyone.

At the same time, she inadvertently brought back all of the childhood traumas I had suffered due to not fitting in, getting bullied, being black and not accepted within my own culture because I was “different” and I hadn’t even come out about being bisexual OR adult baby beforehand.

Reliving just about everything I had buried by trying to change my life, stress just about killed my marriage between home and work issues. I wasn’t getting any much-needed attention for my pain and between all the rage, hate, sorrow, hurt and pain, I outed myself ALL over Facebook, family, friends, coworkers and some people I didn’t even know.

The family didn’t say much of anything, some “friends” abandoned me, but I was lucky enough to have enough REAL friends who loved me enough to make sure I didn’t do anything else stupid. Three years I worried about “how people saw me, what do they think I do, do they still respect me, how often they talk about me?”

I was giving them all power over me, some that probably didn’t even think of what I did, a single day after I did it. I was consumed, day in, day out, just in my head dealing with my own personal hell, which leads me to, today.

I recently fell into suicidal depression again, luckily I’m part of an actual ABDL/BDSM family now (other True Accounts story somewhat started but ongoing), who has helped me to finally and fully develop my baby side without guilt. Of course with my personality, I finally get what I’ve always asked for and then found myself asking “why do I want this?”

Again I’m right back up in my head, but at the same time, conflicted between who am I and what am I doing. I knew better to try and stop indulging into my baby side because it only comes back stronger and I’m surrounded by an ABDL family with more diapers than I’ve seen in one household (in person). I started carrying myself more adult-like, pretending like I didn’t need it anymore, which only lead to my depression getting stronger.

Finally, I stopped beating myself up a couple of days after I joined Tumblr and realized that even though I knew I wasn’t the only one, I had NO idea that you’d find so many people in one place, so many walks of life, so many different takes, different stories, the struggles, the pain, the pleasure, the peacefulness and most of all that strikes out more than anything else….The Creativity! I felt like I was born again, a new life breathed into a “stress ease” turned sour.

I would never tell ANYONE to do anything I’ve done, I just want to point that out first and foremost, but they say the family has your back, so I opened a question directly to family and asked: “How do you talk about crazy when no one is willing to talk about it in the first place?” “How do you get the help you need, if no one is willing to take the time out to understand how YOU see life?” All the anger, all the rage, I wasn’t upset with them, but more so at how this is just the way life is and stated as such.

I got ONE like from an aunt I haven’t seen since I was a kid. I got a message from my aunt who originally told me that I should see a therapist, who told me “Family understands <3.” Sure, they did, but that’s two people out of more than 20 blood family members and it makes my decision for me. That was my family FB account that I gutted and closed for good. My current, with a few family members connected to each of the households of others who ignored me, got to witness me coming out, owning it and completely meaning it.

My friends who have backed me over the years were the first to show their love as always, but then others who barely said anything, started showing their support and I literally could have cried. Here it is, except for two long time black friends of mine, here I was, a black, bisexual married soon to be divorced ABDL, had MORE white friends who cared about me than my own family! I do my absolute best the be a decent person in life and I tell you what if I didn’t know what people thought about me before….

I was honored to find out when I came out for the last time yesterday (4-12-18).

If you feel like I do, get yourself a support group of friends if you can. If you feel like you have no one to talk to and you just can’t take it anymore, please call the suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255).

Thank you for reading and please stay safe!

Lamby Dragon

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